Pain Into Passion, Trauma Into Triumph

I often feel like a computer with too many tabs open or that I’m on a playground round about that’s going too fast and every time I try to get off someone spins it faster. I have always found writing very therapeutic it’s my way of getting a bit of “still” to get the thoughts and feelings out of my head. I tend to (what I call) mind dump, which is a kind of free writing where I just get everything out in the hope I can then move on from it. This is one of those mind dump posts.

Starting and working on my business has been so therapeutic and rewarding for me. It allows me to turn my pain into passion, my trauma into triumph and is a form of mindfulness for me. People often think mindfulness is just mediating however Jon Kabat-Zinn explains mindfulness as “..awareness that arises through paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgmentally”. Which is exactly what I do when making pieces. I tend to do this in silence or with soothing music in the background and only think and focus on the piece that I am currently working on.

I’ve decided that I need to adjust my focus. I’ve come to realise that I have an issue with my thoughts. I looked further into this and it’s called Rumination. It is described as “The uncontrollable preoccupation with the past. Rumination is experienced as guilt, regret and anger, over perceived mistakes, losses, slights, actions taken or not taken, opportunities forever lost, with irreversible, catastrophic results. Rumination is accompanied by condemning, all-or-none criticism, and the overwhelming belief that if things had been different then existing and future misery could be avoided.”

I find that once something pops up in my head it becomes my main focus and it’s hard for me to see past it. Whether it’s work, life plans, feelings of depression or inadequacies etc. When I think of situations or people I tend to jump straight to the negative. “This isn’t going to work” “This person is going to hurt me” “I’m going to fail” “I can’t rely on that person doing what they say they will”. It has become my default setting and is exhausting!  I know and can feel myself doing it, but it’s like I can’t stop. So, I have decided I need to work on adjusting this. I’m not exactly sure how I will do this but I am going to try.

Feel the fear and do it anyway as they say. I recognise the importance of thinking positively so that the negative thoughts don’t become a self-fulfilling prophesy. I guess the first step is recognising the behaviour/trait and deciding to make a conscious effort to amend this.I have done a few events lately and these have also helped to readjust my focus. It's so nice to meet and speak with people about my pieces and business as well as meeting like minded business owners.

I spoke with one of my amazing friends and she reminded me I need to focus on myself. Make myself happy, work on me and everything else will fall into place. So that’s what I am going to attempt to do.

I continue to be thankful to those that have supported and continue to support B.U as you are giving me the drive to push forward and focus on the positives of the business and all it will achieve.

Anyways, I just wanted to share so that if someone else is having similar thoughts or feelings they realise they aren’t alone. I guess its just part of this thing called life. We got this!

Wishing you all a lovely weekend

Be Kind To Yourself

Kristelle x

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